So here is some food for thought...

When you think about it, being a chaplain is a lot like being a pick-up artist.

No, I'm serious. You can read a lot about pickup artists these days, or watch their movies. They never had to do what I have to do. I mean, there I am, walking around on my floor, I walk up to your door, knock once, and walk in. From the moment I walk into your room I have five minutes, if I am lucky, to get you to open up to me. Five minutes to let you know that you can talk to me, and entice you to do so. If I don't make it in five I can try again later but then I'll have even less time. Usually, if I can't get you talking on that first attempt, I never will. It's just the simple fact of nature.

Zero to Intimacy in five minutes. Most pick-up artists would laugh at you if you asked them to pull THAT off. They have all their rules, all their routines, but they take time, time that I don't have. You see, the difference is that a pick-up artist will normally approach you in a bar, or in a club. Somewhere safe, somewhere public. I have to approach you in a place where you are at your most vulnerable, your least comfortable. And I have to do it between all the people jabbing you with needles, or whatever the medical team is doing. So many people just want to look at one person and tell them to get the hell out, and hey! A Chaplain! I can tell him to piss off and he'll just do it. What does a chaplain do, anyway?

Truth is, more people need us than don't, even people who go church, or somewhere similar. They just don't know it. Same as they didn't know why their side was hurting so bad, or why their kid was throwing up so much. So here they are, with doctors and nurses giving them the answers. But when I show up, they don't know who I am, and most don't respect what I can give them. So they want to blow me off. They think it would cheer them up. THAT is what I am up against.

Any Pick-up artist worth his salt would sense that kind of hostility and just go on to the next girl, unless they wanted the challenge. Me? I just walk right in. Every time. It's my job. And if I can't get you to recognize how much you need me in five minutes, you won't let me do it.

Some chaplains just give up. They walk into the rooms, get blown off, and walk on, and act as if the act of getting blown off was what they were there for. They never get to do their real work unless something horrible happens, the trauma cases, and those are easy. It's easy to get someone to open up when things are at their worst. It's like picking up a girl on the rebound, no challenge at all.

But me? I like the challenge. I like walking into that room blind. I savor the five minutes I have to get through to you. That moment when I walk in and say; "Hello, I'm your chaplain. How are you doing today?"